Motivational Monday: 5 Specific Tools for Intentional Communication that will Save your Marriage

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5 Specific Tools for Intentional Communication that will Save your Marriage

• Early in marriages communication can seem easy. This is because we are still getting to know each other and many times are trying to avoid conflict with our spouse or partner. Then couples have their first argument and it does not take long for communication to begin to breakdown. • The one of the primary concerns that we see when working with couples is Poor communication or Increased conflict in communication • Once this happens couples can be put us on a slippery slope moving swiftly toward desperation. • Couples can begin to questions their commitment and wonder if they married the wrong person. Examples of how communications breakdown: I would ask, “What’s for dinner?” She would hear, “I can’t believe you haven’t prepared dinner again tonight!” She would say, “What time are you coming home?” I would hear, “You better get here and help me because you’re never here.” • Couples then struggle to express anything. • They resort to hurting each other with our words • Stop building each other up and tear each other down. • The Reality is that Communication is Hard and it takes intentionality and humility. 1 Monday, April 8, 2019 1. The Principle of First Response: • The course of a conflict is not determined by the person who initiates, but by the person who responds. • “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 2. The Principle of Physical Touch: • It is difficult to sin against someone while you are tenderly touching him or her. • A difficult time to apply this principle is after an argument has begun. However, a perfect time is when you know you are about to sit down and have a discussion about something that might lead to tension. 3. The Principle of Proper Timing • The success of a conversation can be maximized if the timing of the conversation is carefully chosen. • There are times when a conversation is critical to have at that very moment. In those cases, of course, the football game goes off and we talk. Or, the lights go back on and we’re up until 2 a.m. However, those should be the exceptions rather than the rule. The majority of the time, we should be more strategic in the timing of our conversations. 4. The Principle of Mirroring: • Understanding can be enhanced if we measure it often throughout a conversation. • Have you ever meant one thing by what you said but the person you were talking to heard something else? It can make for very frustrating communication. • If you’re not sure if your spouse is getting what you’re talking about, check to see if you hear this phrase a lot: “What do you mean by that?”#5 say “Success in communication is likely to be more successful when we encourage each other”

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